How "Well" Is Your Well-Being?
Have you ever done a “Wellness Self-Assessment?"
A wellness assessment is an assessment of a persons overall health; their occupational, social, physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual well-being. Wellness is an active process through which people become aware of, and make choices toward, a more successful existence. I was conducted my own wellness self-assessment on myself. By basically self evaluation, considering I pride myself on being brutally honest to others. I thought maybe it was my turn for some self truth. I used any spare time I had to evaluate the different aspects of my life. On the road of contemplation. All of my worries, struggles, reoccurring thoughts, insecurities, issues and worldly problems began to surface.
I am far from satisfied with myself. From my analyzation of myself, I often found myself always putting others first. I've come to notice one of my biggest problem is that I'm too comfortable with being distant. When you've been a outcast so long, it just naturally happens. Many times I find myself staring into a mirror asking, “why?” You're probably thinking, “why what ?” Well why can't people accept me for me? Why can't I be open with anyone about everything? Why can't I love someone, just as they love me? Why must I give more than what's given to me? Why can't I be skinny like the models on tv? Why do I feel so alone but I'm surrounded by many? Why do I have to struggle and settle for less? Why do I feel so incomplete? Why am I not happy with myself? Why don't I like me? I continuously ask myself questions, that makes me feel the depths of my insecurities. I ask myself questions, that sometimes I'm not prepared for. From this wellness assessment, I found that even though I'm very distant I still feel empathy for my friends and family. I tend to display a selfish demeanor with selfless behaviors. Without hesitation I'll put my problems aside and make sure the next person is alright. Yet I hold a major distrust in people, which is why I limit my interactions. I accepted my calling as a loner. When I seen how completely okay I am with being alone. Just like any other person I wouldn't mind not being alone from time to time. I would actually appreciate someone genuine to invading my space. Then I'll be able to take off my invisible book bag of pain, pleasure, and problems. I would like to stop abusing substances just to feel a sense of happiness. At first I didn't understand the severity of using drugs because my use with them was little to none, but as my life continued and I grew older my problems became bigger and my secrets became unbearable. I needed a personal escape. Something to relieve, and revive me to be able to tolerate individuals, and different problems that can occur throughout the day. Most days I wake up with no interest in talking to anyone, or doing anything, I would rather be alone to drown in my own misery.
Sometimes I walk around holding back an ocean of tears because I can't take life anymore. Considering the lack of interest I have in meeting new people, I'm still very socially active. I do have have associates and family that I can talk to. I just don't hang out or any of that stuff. Now I'm no fool, I know I don't need a person to validate me or make me happy but sometimes when you're a person who has to fight every single battle alone having someone by your side is always a great relief because finally you don't have to fight the world alone. I concluded that I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to love. Yes, I dream of someone to build a wall of trust with, one who can send the blood to pump out my cold heart, one who could make me smile throughout the day, someone to help me believe in love. Although I have written many journals and poems reflecting my life; the pain and hurt. I feel myself fighting to make it through each day and thinking out thoroughly on just how could I possibly change my life and myself to where I can be genuinely happy. First I know I must not try to give myself a, “false happiness.” Because that'll only continue to deepen my unhappiness. Especially whenever the product subsides or the individual decides to leave my life. I want my happiness to be real, everyday, all day. I have found myself creating inspirational quotes to help me realize the reality of my own life.
By setting S.M.A.R.T goals I know I am in control of my life! I am responsible for me! I must make sure I'm good and healthy because no one else will. If I am in control, I must take control and make it more than just a responsibility more like a daily task to bettering myself on trying to reach my ultimate goal of happiness. That's what I assessed about my overall wellness. Tell me what did you get? The Diamond Effect x The Diamond Boutique
